5 Things I Did {and Didn't Do} to Achieve My "Dream Body"

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After posting a few of my He and She Unfiltered posts I not only received a ton (and I mean A TON) of messages from people (especially other trainers) who struggle with the same thing but I also received questions from people asking me how I achieved this balance in the beginning. This is really asking me how I made my transformation. I've touched on it a little bit in other posts but I'll outline it here again.

I don't really like "Dream Body" but that's what first came to mind so I'm rolling with it, hoping this reaches someone trying to achieve that "Dream Body". I wouldn't say that the body that I have right now isn't my dream body. It isn't when I compare myself to others but it is when I'm focused on what my body is CAPABLE of. So, I guess it's safe to say that this was my "Dream Body" then and I still have my "Dream Body" - it's that my definition has changed.

I have made such amazing progress since posting about my body image issues - you can read about them here.

THIS is my DREAM BODY. I visit places that I dream about and use my body to explore them.

Zion National Park (Angels Landing Trail)

 Saying "I can't believe I just did that...", climbing the highest peak in the lower 48, Mount Whitney.

One of the prettiest places I've ever seen, Glacier National Park in Montana! 

I wasn't and I still am not very competitive. I never played sports in school. I did cheer and play softball for years but it was just a rec league. I never tried out for anything. I never worried about my weight or my appearance either. I was never that girl in the gym running for two hours and eating 800 calories. I never counted calories and cardio bored the crap out of me. It wasn't until my husband introduced me to weight lifting that I actually found something that I wanted to do. But even then I still wasn't competitive. People would tell me all the time "You should compete" but I have never wanted to do a competition. Nothing about getting up on a stage half naked, having my body compared and critiqued against others appealed to me. I want you to understand that this is coming from someone with a completely blank fitness and nutrition background - I wasn't your all-American athlete in school or someone who has struggled with body image issues before.

With that being said, after entering this "health and fitness world" and having people ask me questions about what I do I quickly learned that every one seems to be looking for that magic pill or the quick fix that will make all their worries and extra body fat disappear. Well, you probably know by now that there is no magic pill, it's all up to YOU.

This might surprise you but the first place you have to start is in your mind.

So, without further ado this is how I achieved the body of my dreams:

1. Positive Thinking AND Talking

When I decided to change my lifestyle I also changed my thoughts. I started looking at things from a different perspective. This isn't to say that it was all sunshine and rainbows but I always tried to find the good in whatever it was. I did this while working a high-stress job that I hated so I know that it can be done! I would also talk to myself. Yep, I would talk to myself. POSITIVELY. Even if it had nothing to do with being healthy - it could even just be "wow my hair looks good today" or something similar. I started each day with positive thoughts and talks!

2. One Day at a Time

I took it one day at a time. I didn't care what I was going to look like or be doing in a month or three months down the road. I was just living my life, talking and thinking positively and living in the moment. I did go on to prepare for a photo shoot (as the picture above shows) but that was only for a short period of time. The rest of the time was spent just living life. It was always just one foot in front of the other. One meal. One workout. One day. It was a lifestyle. There was NO finish line.

3. NOT Comparing Myself to Others

I started blogging about my journey in March 2012 on my personal blog and I didn't go back and read through all of the posts but from what I can remember (and what I saw) I only posted ONE picture of someone who I "wanted to look like". As I mentioned in my post on how getting into fitness ruined my body image, it wasn't until Instagram really took off in the fitness industry that I fell into the comparison trap and it's truly been one of the most difficult things I've had to deal with. I never thought anything could consume someone so much. I'm so thankful that I haven't lived my whole life like this though and really hope to help others work on getting out of this same trap. Bottom line - I didn't compare myself to others. I wasn't competing with anyone. I wasn't even competing with myself. I was just living a healthy lifestyle.

4. Hard Work

I worked hard. I loved it. I was passionate about it. I trained 4-6 days per week (4-6 days per week weight training and 2-3 days of cardio). I didn't ever "over-train" but I was pretty much always on target with my workouts. I also had a personal trainer for about three months before my photo shoot. Same thing with my eating. I didn't ever restrict my calories (again, I am NOT a girl that will starve herself to be thin) but was always on target with my meals and we didn't eat out often.

5. Determination AND Consistency

As the ones above show, I was (and still am) very determined and consistent. I never had a goal date or finish line when I started. I wanted to be happy and healthy. Giving up has never been an option. Sure, I'll skip a workout if I'm sick or just not feeling it but giving up on a healthy lifestyle is never going to happen. What would I be giving up on? Basically everything I love and enjoy. If you don't feel the same way you should try to find an exercise routine that you do enjoy (try one of our She Sweats workout plans!) and find healthy meals that you do love! To me, there is no other option.

To be completely honest with you though...

I don't know if I would have made the transformation I did if social media was the same back then (I know it was only 4 years ago but so much has changed - and I sound really old saying that). Social media is one of the main reasons that I fell into the comparison trap and why, for awhile, I was only accomplishing 3 out of these 5 things. I forgot the most important two...positive thinking and not comparing myself. Although I am healthy, a size four (definitely the smallest I've ever been, aside from my photo shoot), workout 4-6 days per week, and eat healthy I would still find myself falling into the comparison trap because of social media. I would not change anything about my journey because I consider everything a learning experience and I honestly think I went through this in order to help others. It's definitely been an amazing ride these last 4+ years and the fact that my husband and I still continue to live a healthy and balanced lifestyle shows that we have been successful!

Please use these tips and by learn how to love YOURSELF so you can be on your way to a healthy "Dream Body".

What is Nutrition Moderation and Balance?

Moderation. Balance. Those are words you probably hear or see a lot in the fitness community. Every one is preaching moderation and balance. What does moderation and balance really mean? What does it mean to them? What does it mean to you?

This is another post that has been on my mind lately and actually in our draft folder for quite a few months. I realized that these were becoming "fitness buzzwords" (we use them too!) but saw that many people were completely lost on the entire topic. I decided to finish and post it after we had ice cream (yes, REAL ice cream) last night in Annapolis. I posted the photo below on Instagram (@heandsheeatclean).

What is Moderation and Balance?

According to dictionary.com:

Moderation: the quality of being moderate; restraint; avoidance of extremes or excesses; temperance.

Balance: a state of equilibrium or equipoise; equal distribution of weight, amount, etc. or mental steadiness or emotional stability; habit of calm behavior, judgment, etc.

What does Moderation and Balance Mean to You?

When someone posts a picture of their cookies - are they just eating two or three? Could you do the same or would you devour the whole bag? When they post a picture of their ice cream is it one scoop or four scoops?

Just like we have mentioned numerous times previously, you are NOT like anyone else. Just because someone eats two cookies per day and then puts the rest of the bag back in the pantry without thinking about it doesn't mean that you have to force or even train yourself to do the same thing. It doesn't mean that they are any better than you or more disciplined than you (or vice versa). We each have our own personalities. We need to learn how to work with our personalities instead of against.

Some people can have a bag of candy or pretzels and only eat that "one serving" or a few at at time. Others can't. It's okay. Maybe you are one of those people who can just eat a few at a time but my guess is that you've tried over and over again to "practice moderation" or count calories, points, or macros to allow for those "treats" but still end up devouring the entire bag. Don't beat yourself up.

The solution? Don't keep the cookies or pretzels in your house or at your desk. Just because you don't have junk food in your house doesn't mean that you are too strict or don't enjoy your life or food (These are comments that many of us get!). There is a place and time for everything - when, where, and how much is up for YOU to decide. 

80/20 Rule

Our overall lifestyle (traveling or not) is 80/20. 80% of the time we eat what we consider clean/healthy foods (lean protein, complex carbs, healthy fats, lots of veggies, etc.) and 20% of the time we may consume food that has more sugar, fat, etc than we normally would.

We never want anyone to feel deprived. You can still enjoy your favorite treats! Just like I posted that picture of our ice cream while we were traveling, we get our treats outside of the house. Order dessert at a restaurant (and split it with someone else), get small portions of your favorite treats while traveling, etc. In that picture, I had one scoop (which is more like two scoops at most places) of cookie dough and Scott had two scoops of peanut butter cookie. We didn't think twice about getting it. We live a healthy lifestyle and have a healthy relationship with food. This doesn't mean that when we are traveling we eat junk 24/7. This means that a majority of our meals are still healthy but we don't worry about what we are eating the whole time (more to come on this topic later).

As always, we want to caution you about comparing what others eat to what you eat. How your body will respond to certain foods is different. How often and how much you can eat will depend on your body. Just like everything else with health and fitness this takes time and trial and error! Maybe you have that "treat meal" once a week or once a month or maybe you do eat that small portion of chocolate each day. How often you need to have it will depend on your personality and your goals. Find out what timing works for you so that you do not feel deprived because that will just lead to bingeing.

Keep in mind that just like everyone has their own definition of eating clean, everyone has their own definition of moderation and balance. Some people think that eating a rice cake with peanut butter is balance. Some people think that eating three scoops of ice cream is balance. Some people think that eating a slice of pizza is balance.

"Trigger foods" will also vary for each person. I can devour an entire bag of Sour Patch Kids in one setting but I don't really ever crave (or even care for) breads or pastas. My easy solution? I don't buy Sour Patch Kids and keep them in the house. I don't care to try and "train" myself to only eat 6 Sour Patch Kids. If I want them, I will eat them outside the house where I can get a smaller portion instead of a large bag (or I will make my "Sour Patch" Grapes!).

Where do you fall on this? Have you tried over and over again to incorporate these "treats" but still end up over-eating? Or are you one that can only eat small portions and leave the rest alone?

Are We Obsessed with Fitness Perfection?

This is another draft that has been in our draft folder for almost a year. I decided that it might be a good time to post it after reading all of the comments from my post on how Getting Into Fitness Ruined My Body Image.

Before I continue with this post I wanted to point out the fact that I feel very grateful that I refuse to do anything that will compromise my health. I've never had an eating disorder and I don't over-exercise but I know that mentally this body image issue is not good for me. I honestly already feel a lot better just from publishing that post. I haven't critiqued myself in the mirror or compared myself to anyone on social media. I have been focusing on what my body can do. I started taking a yoga class a few times per week and I'm excited to master a new move that I can do on top of all of the mountains we climb on our trip this fall. :-) I plan to continue to focus on having a positive attitude and live my life without falling into the comparison trap (you can read more in my post on Building Up Your Confidence with Positive Thinking).

Now onto my new ramblings...

Are We Obsessed with Fitness Perfection?

I'm proud to say that both Scott and I have lived this lifestyle for over 4 years. We have a healthy balance in our lives. We never make the "most active" list at the gym. Why? Because we have other things to do with our lives besides go to the gym twice a day or even every single day. People will be up on the most active board with 20 or more swipes in ONE week. It isn't healthy to workout that often - doing so usually leads to an unhealthy relationship and distorted body image. Don't get me wrong though, we do workout in the gym. We are normally there 4-5 times per week. We also have other activities we enjoy outside of the gym like hiking, biking, playing tennis, etc. Our workouts are not always in a gym.

Why is it that once we become interested in fitness and being healthy it eventually turns into an obsession to be perfect?

It seems like many people who find an interest in health and fitness think that a competition is their next step. I'm not knocking competitions but I've seen them ruin some people completely. Some don't even have an interest in being healthy after the fact because it was all for the competition - not for life. I have never wanted to do a competition because I never wanted someone else judging my body but now I do that to myself. I feel like everyday is a competition for everyone because of social media. I couldn't even begin to imagine having my body picked apart by someone else and compared to other people. Like I mentioned, I think we all do that enough to ourselves.

The picture I found below is from a hike Scott and I did last weekend. We hiked 10 miles - why isn't that enough?

Or this one where we spontaneously hiked 4 miles to see the sunset.

Or climbing half dome. Yes, we climbed that.

Or maybe this one where we climbed the highest mountain in the lower 48 (Mount Whitney) at the END of our two week hiking trip.

Or doing a backbend in Zion National Park after hiking Angel's Landing.

Why do these accomplishments never seem good enough?

I posted this on our Instagram account (heandsheeatclean) back in May but every time I think about it helps put things into perspective. Over Memorial Day weekend we did one of the hardest hikes we've done (probably number 2 or 3 behind Mt Whitney and Half Dome), over 11 miles in Linville Gorge. Not only was it hard physically but mentally it was tough to finish. We were once again reminded that life is NOT about how much money you make or a number on the scale - Life IS about LIVING IT - the memories you make and the adventures you take. A man, who loved hiking the trails, died on the trail 20 min before we got to that point. He was STILL THERE. We had to walk past a deceased hiker in a body bag on the trail. He was 55 and died of a heart attack. He died doing what he loved. I couldn't even hold back my tears for someone that I didn't know because my dad leaves for the Appalachian Trail again in a month. I KNOW that we were there for a reason. We were in that spot so that I would finally find the courage I needed to post about my struggles. His friends and family didn't care if he had a 6 pack or if he could out-lift others in the gym. They cared about the kind of person he was INSIDE.

Whenever I get into one of my deep comparison traps, Scott always asks me "Is this really going to matter in a year, 5 years, 10 years, etc. What matters is that you are healthy and you are." Once you really think about it most of the stuff we beat ourselves up about...doesn't matter. The only place it really matters is on social media.

You can browse through many different social media sites and see "selfies" that people post daily (or sometimes even multiple times per day) that shows just how "perfect" they are but just know that isn't attainable for everyone. YOU are not THEM. You have a different set of circumstances, a different body composition, and different LIFE. This doesn't mean that you can't have goals and work to better yourself but do this for the right reasons.

We're also sure that you have seen photos that people post where they are clearly very lean but say something about how they aren't in that good of shape now or that they can't see their abs because of dinner last night, etc. Don't get wrapped up in the "fitspo" community that is ever-so prevalent these days. Find out what works for you (eating and workout wise) and stick with it! It may take some time, months or even a year, to find out your optimal combination but it's worth it! Sometimes the people who you think look like the optimal picture of health are actually really broken on the inside. Stop letting the world dictate what success looks like to you. Find your own version of success.

We've posted this picture before in our intro post to "He and She Unfiltered" but we wanted to share it again here. Get rid of the noise and focus on YOU! Make life an adventure!